Can I tell you how excited I am to have permission to eat the kind of breakfasts I find most satisfying, after sifting throu all the drivel that pushed carbs and low fat for YEARS? It's the kind of happy that is enthusiastic and annoying to others, to put it lightly ;)

This morning I had six ounces of leftover Parmesan grilled chicken thighs (skinless, boneless, because that's what lived in my freezer), two pieces of bacon, a tbsp of coconut oil (with a little stevia and cocoa, it tastes like candy while really helping my digestion and inflammation), some coffee with a tbsp of cream. This clocks in (with generous assumptions on the olive oil in the chicken dredging) at just under 580 calories and satisfies me for hours. High fat, moderate protein, almost no carbohydrates to speak of. I supplement this with a small salad and some fruit for lunch and I am good until dinner, with well over 1000 calories to spare for it, if I am actually that hungry (I usually am not). It makes for a satisfying, filling way of eating that tastes great while not sparking cravings or the vicious cycle of dietary inflammation I battled for years prior.

I love bread, oatmeal, sugary treats, and even low fat yogurt, but none of these foods are actually healthy for my body and I respond terribly to them. Eliminating them (for the most part, the occasional bite isn't an issue) permanently seems like so much less of a hardship when seed butters, fruit, creamed greens, and roasted meats replace them. Whole foods, prepared with healthy fats, are the focus of my weight maintenance diet. It keeps calories, satiety, and nutrients all in optimal ranges for my particular body's needs and is not only doable but enjoyable long term. Processed foods like bread, margarine, diet ANYTHING, or sugars, are what I avoid like the plague these days. It is no hardship, and that is what makes maintenance that much more simple. I already know how to move, eat mindfully, watch my portions, etc... The composition of the food is the final piece of the puzzle.

With that in mind, for me the food looks like lots of animal and some plant fat (a little olive or coconut oil, lots of lard and butter) someone protein, and filling the rest in with fruit and veggie roughage with the occasional treat of chocolate or a little cheese. Down the road in P4 (long term maintenance) I'm going to work in about 400 calories or two servings a day of low inflammation starches like white rice, plantains, bananas, taro, starchy winter squashes, and the like. The rare serving of bread or wine also won't break the bank, but those can't really be a part of my daily diet and have me looking and feeling my best.

Many of my dieting friends probably think I've gone off the deep end, but what constitutes success and health for each of us varies depending on our bodies and needs, and this is where mine is. It's a great feeling to finally find that sweet spot where I'm not fighting my food for dominant health of my body. Eliminating the problem items and pinpointing which ones were the real issue has been SO helpful, the weight loss is just an fabulous bonus. The hCG has aided in my appetite control and hunger cues to such a level I can barely express the full extent of the blessing it has been. All these little pieces are working together for my health and it makes me SO happy.

The last piece is exercise, and finding a routine I like that strengthens me. That will be taken care of in the next week when I begin my new routine (I'm awaiting my book right now!). I hope TTap is the magic bullet of strength and flexibility I need, and if it isn't then I am going back to "New Rules of Lifting For Women" and building strength that way. But regardless of the specifics, I have a general idea of what plan I need to follow to really build my body the way I want and that is most functional for me, so that's a step in the right direction, too.

All this post is to say that I'm not insane, weird, or going off the nutritional deep end. But I am adopting a paradigm that is dietary heresy to many, and yet is saving my health appreciably each day. Stick with me and let the results speak for themselves over the next few years, yes?

Well I can say with confidence now that a little full fat dairy, at least doesn't seem to be netting me appreciable inflammation on the scale or throughout my body. That's good, because a little cheese and cream is a favorite of mine, even though I have zero desire to chug milk or even eat a bowl of icecream.

My weight today, with full maintenance calories, 70% of which came from dietary fat, was 176.4. Well within my window, a new low, and all around good times :). The refeed of fat and protein has me feeling and looking great, and overall very satisfied. I even ate a restaurant item (low carb version of the six dollar burger from Carl's Jr.) as my dinner item last night and had no ill effects. It is nice to have some flexibility to eat out again, even though I don't do it more than once every week or two, and have it be no issue.

I am still measuring and calorie counting until I get a better feel for my maintenance window, but I'm also listening to my hunger cues. My mother was right when she made the prediction that I'd be ravenously hungry for a few days into P3 as my body replenished its' protein and fat stores, so I am more inclined to overeat right now than I'd otherwise be, but not by much. So I need a little more structure these days than I will in a week or two. It was the same way in P2 - I calorie counted for the first two weeks to get an idea of what the daily foods needed to look like to reach 500, and then when I'd memorized the basic portions and my hunger cues began working again (yay!) I could stay well within the limit without struggle and didn't need to log to lose weight or not overeat. I'm aiming for that again. I will likely always write down my food for accountability, but I like being in the place where it is just noting items item and not tallying against my daily total to keep me on the straight and narrow. It is a subtle difference, but the former has me with better control of myself and more harmonious feelings about eating than the latter!

Today should be fun - we're going to a friend's house for the girls to play and me to chat. I hope my dietary needs don't put her out too much, though!

Yesterday was just about heavenly, when it comes to the satisfaction of eating food after being on such a strict course. I had fair amounts of both heavy cream and sunflower seed butter (nuts and dairy) which can cause some people problems with weight swings, but even with the extra food volume in my digestive tract I still weighed in well inside my window at 177.2 today. Yay!

I was brave and tried a few new foods to see if I could add them to my daily diet. And I must say, both the sunflower butter and sardines (not together!) were surprisingly tasty.

In terms of satiety, it looks like a larger breakfast, light lunch as my hunger dictates, and larger dinner is the ticket for me. I get hungry enough in the middle of the day that I can't just get by with breakfast until 5:00 pm, but my appetite for lunch (when I am listening to my stomach) isn't generally substantial. Yesterday I had grapefruit and some celery with sunbutter and that was enough to satisfy me for a few hours. Breakfast was am omelet, bacon, and coffee, but I think I'm cutting out the coffee and just sticking with the chai tea I have grown used to. It's lighter and more satisfying. Dinner was roasted chicken thighs rolled in olive oil, Parmesan, and spices, along with a broccoli/carrot/cauliflower veggie mix and some berries with cream. I reached my daily fat goal of about 70% of my calories coming from fat, and my calorie totals were somewhere around 1900-2000 calories for the day (I counted portions generously, so it is tough to say). That's all right in the range I want to be and none of the foods seemed to cause any problems except my system initially getting a little shocked by the fat after six weeks without any dietary fat at all.

Today I'll proceed on in much the same fashion, I'm still watching nuts, dairy, and cheese closely but it doesn't look like they'll cause problems. My biggest issue this morning is that I have woken up with a nasty headache that I think is due to barometric pressure changes (we went from below zero and dry to above freezing and sleet/rain in the space of two days) and that is making the thought of waking up the kids and listening to the daily noise a little less attractive than it might otherwise be >_<

I'll report in of my head explodes or anything interesting happens!

The much-anticipated day has arrived - as of breakfast this morning (in about half an hour) I'm maintaining for six weeks. The first three I can eat anything but sugar and starch, and must remain in my +-2 lb window on either side of my last dose weight (176.8), the second three week period I will be reintroducing some 'safe' starches and a small bit of sugar to figure out where the balance is that doesn't make me regain weight or have inflammatory responses. My daily diet will be permanently light on sweets and grains, with limited dairy (a little cream, some cheese, yogurt, etc), and very occasionally I will have a roll at a restaurant or a sub sandwich. I'm working at 80-90% permanent healthy dietary compliance long term, so the second half of maintenance (P4) will be the process of me finding out what I can eat in small quantities and what makes me feel sick, regain, etc. That will create my new food list as to what is verboten for my system.

It sounds complicated but it really isn't - eat, log, watch the scale and listen to my body's response. And P3 will be similar. I can essentially eat anything I want except sugar and starch and will just continue daily weighing to maintain my weight, doing a correction day or upping the calories depending on how I shift outside my window.

This morning's weight was right on target again - 176.8 - and measurements are as follows (parentheses are the change in measurements from 1/24/12)

Waist - 34 in (0.0)

Hips - 44 in (-1.5)

Bust - 43.5 in (0.0)

Underbust - 35 in (0.0)

Thigh - 22 in (-1)

Upper Arm - 13.5 in (-.5)

So I lost a little, even in just a week. I am down 3.6 pounds from the previous measurements' weight, and dropped 3 inches to go with it, off of unexpected places. Typically my legs, arms, and hips haven't budged much, so maybe they were due, but overall I am now fitting well into size 14 tops and 14-16 jeans, depending on the cut and brand. For my first round I am extremely pleased with my losses, both pounds AND inches! And while maintaining it will be anticlimactic from a blog perspective, it is an absolutely crucial step before I go and lose more weight. The high fat, moderate protein, high fiber diet of P3 is designed specifically to encourage my body to create a strong set point at this new weight, which will help me maintain and refeed my body's stores to aid in continued losses in the next round. The mental break of being off P2 can't be overstated, either. This is NOT a diet that is intended to go on forever. It is a phase to be done briefly, it is very effective, and the real benefits of the plan are to heal the body's systems and recalibrate the hormones relating to eating and fat storage so that we (the former obese) function more like normal bodies, not ones that constantly seek excess food energy and store fat so readily.

Dr. Simeons goes into this in much detail in "Pounds and Inches", but the short of it is that this experiment of mine, thus far, has worked perfectly, and I can recommend hCG weightloss to those willing and able to stick to the very prescriptive specifics without reserve. But as with ANY diet plan, you must stick to it and be willing and able to continue maintenance behaviors, or you WILL regain. The hCG and protocol it is used with makes it a little harder for your body to do that, but not impossible. Vigilance is required and maintaining your weight and health is a daily process of accountability and good choices.

On a slightly less serious topic, my breakfast today! I am planning on an omelet (two eggs, a little cheese, bell pepper, onion, sautéed in lard), some bacon, and a little coffee with cream. We'll see how that holds me over until lunch. I'm watching my fat amounts (they need to be high) and my hunger cues very carefully throughout this process, am aiming for around 2000 calories a day to see what the scale does.

Lunch will likely be a giant salad with homemade cilantro dressing (sooooo good!), dinner will be braised short ribs, some vegetable side dish (likely lots of broccoli and cauliflower with bacon) and some blueberries with cream.

You cannot believe how decadent and satisfying this sounds to me right now. I don't even miss sugar and bread, because the richness of the meat and veggies and a smidge of dairy sounds just that good ;)

Today finds me right back on top of my maintenance range, smack dab at 176.8 again. This is very good and exactly where I want to remain. When fats, protein, and a little more variety and fruits and veggis get increased tomorrow, I will be watching each item and quantity carefully to establish what appropriate foods and quantities allow me to maintain in this range of two pounds up or down from my last dose weight, and adjust accordingly. It will be even more crucial in P4, three weeks from now, when I add some starch and tiny bits of sugar (like mango or a date, some extra dark chocolate... Oreos, sugary coffee drinks, doritos, and their ilk have been banished semi-permanently. They won't have anyplace in my house or daily diet, but I don't swear I won't have a bite at a Christmas party in three years ;).

Given that starch and sugar is where my cravings are, that transition will be the more challenging of the two. It annoys the calorie counter in me that I have to ban certain foods from my diet as much as possible, but those foods make me sick and fat and life isn't fair. There are so many wonderful things I CAN eat, that are nutritious and strengthening for me, focusing on the whole world of possibilities within that realm rather than the pitiful, flavorless, artificial junk works much better for me. At this point my palate is unaccustomed to normal sweetness and even rich food, in general. I plan on keeping my mouth delighted with rich, savory, healthful fare and keeping the sugar and sugar substitutes to an absolute minimum. If I don't start down that road, I can't fall down the rabbit hole, you know?

So this is my very last day of VLCD for six weeks (minimum), and while I can't say I am sad to see it go, I admit that food is very simple when my choices are so straightforward. I am keeping that mold as my path to success, in that I am building my maintenance diet around similar types of foods that are nutrient rich and nutrient dense, with fat, fiber, and protein to keep me sated. I'm also keeping a list of no-go foods to keep myself maintaining well, and the trick will be continuing to listen to my newly discovered hunger cues and not falling back into straight calorie counting (where I find myself eating food because I allotted for it, not because of real hunger). I'm going to watch myself like a hawk when using my logging app (Loseit!) that the quantities I am inputting is just for macronutrient accuracy and that I don't slip back into the log it/eat it all mentality that is easy to do.

Tomorrow is measurement day. I don't think I've lost anything significant in the last 3-4 pounds but it will give me a nice baseline to work from for the next round. I mentioned my maintenance goals of staying in my window and adding more exercise last post, and I'll add to that my desire to start the next round at my last dose weight from this one, and lose another 15-20 pounds to put me in the 160-165 range. I'd love to be lower, but that depends on my body and I can't control the scale. Knowing the protocol, a reasonable expectation to lose half a pound a day is about all I'll bet on ;)

I couldn't think of a snappy title, so you get a long, but descriptive, one instead!

Thanks to my bowels, I weighed in at 177.6 this morning. It's always a good reminder that the scale just weighs YOU, and you have a whole lot of metabolic processes going on at any given time that make your weight slide around a bit. Inches lost, increased energy and vitality, a downward scale trend overall, these are the indictors I recommend looking to for success if you don't have a strong scale detachment like I do.

My TOM is still staying tapered off, just a bit of spotting which I have discovered hCG causes for me. So I'm sticking with this transition and calling it good, no need to dose with extra hCG and do more days. Thanks to my mother reminding me, I'm also looking to read through and start a TTap exercise routine. I was thinking of starting Callanetics again but it is a little tough on my neck and back, as well as being a LONG routine, which TTap is not. That, plus starting a dance class, are my reward activities right now. I'm looking into local belly dancing instructors, as it is something I have always been interested in. And building up my core muscles will help my back alignment immensely, as well as be beneficial for things like childbirth. I have a weaker core than I should, and I'm really convicted that it is time to rectify it.

I admit I still love my Leslie Sansone DVDs and recumbent bike, but the vacuum in my fitness is muscle related, not endurance or cardio based. I honestly do enough moving around during the day that I don't think I am doing a whole lot for my health with my exercise time by doing moderate cardio. Strength training is where it is at, and I am one of those gals who is naturally inclined to it and enjoys it. Thus, my next set of goals includes getting regular with my morning exercise time being dedicated to things like TTap or even resistance bands, instead of bike time. The latter is more relaxing, but I need to us my time more beneficially than that!

Nothing much else to note - I got a TON of weight compliments at church yesterday, I must be looking slimmer to friends (finally) and wearing my size 14 jacket and 16 pants, along with some nice heels to give me a little height, drove the point home. I've decided final measurements WILL be coming on Wednesday, right before I start P3, so I have a baseline to see how much more might come off my body during my maintenance break. Everything else is in a holding pattern right now, which makes my posts a bit boring ;)

Yes, the caplocks were necessary. My period has tapered off for the most part, the symptoms are gone to the point where I am comfortable transitioning off the hCG (I'm kind of going back and forth on doing another three days, just to be SURE my hormones don't interfere with stabilizing, but I don't think it's necessary. I'm mulling still...), and I reached and exceeded my goal of losing 30 pounds this round!

Day 40, my last hCG dose day unless I change my mind, saw me weighing in at 176.8! I blew right past 177, so from my starting load weight of 207.4 to today, I am down 30.6 pounds! WOOHOOOOOOO!

Barring any last minute changes of my plans, I now have 72 hours to remain on the VLCD and let the hCG leave my system before entering P3 on Wednesday morning. P3 is a time when I have lots of protein, fat, and fiber, but NO sugar or starch, and work on keeping my weight in a two pound range on either side of today's last dose weight of 176.8. That means the next three weeks I need to keep my weight between 174.8 and 178.8, or I must do a correction day to get it back within range. Calories are maintenance level, and other than no sugar or starch (including abstaining from some fruits and veggies that are too high on either of those counts, like mango or potatoes), it's normal food. I hope I stabilize well and it isn't a fight for me.

I might take one more picture to mark the end of this round, and more measurements, too. Let me mull over it and get back with my thoughts later. Right now, it's time to get ready for church. Adios!

Yes indeed, Ladies Craft Night went very well and I stayed on plan despite the effluvience of goodies. I had two crackers that were there because I forgot to pack my grissini and that was the equivalent calories' worth of starch, but everything else just got sniffed, admired, and passed over as I crafted.

I'm hoping it wasn't just dehydration from not getting enough water last night, but this morning I was down to 178.0. That's just ONE POUND away from my goal. And since my TOM appears to be tapering down, unless I have an unexpected resurgence I am making tomorrow, Day 40, my last dose day. Then I have 72 hours from that last dose to continue my VLCD and I am in P3 by Wednesday morning. It's actually here, I'm so excited! Not only do I get to focus on stabilizing and maintaining, but I might actually get to do it at my goal of 177 - which would be 30 pounds lost in this round, 80 pounds total loss since I began in October of 2008.

Wow, right?

I know I'm thrilled about it, I am so ready to make this weight my set point and progress forward to another round or two afterward. I look great, if friends and family are to be believed, and I FEEL great, too.

This morning I am down .8 lbs to 179.0. I'm in the middle of my TOM and doing well in terms of cravings, mood swings, etc. if the hCG is supposed to stimulate the endometrial lining and create heavier periods, I haven't noticed. Mine are as heavy as ever, but nothing unmanageable, so the injections will proceed as normal.

Tonight in my monthly Ladies Craft Night and I am a little sad I'm still on the VLCD portion of my diet. I wanted to be transitioned to P3 for this but it was not to be, so I have to abstain from my monthly treat and social time - at least the 'treat' portion of it!

I'm planning on bringing pickled cucumbers from my dinner vegetable allowance to snack on, as well as tea and sparkling water. The Capella drops I mentioned before are PHENOMENAL and make killer Italian sodas when mixed with stevia, so that will be my 'treat' along with some caffeine that doesn't require creamer.

I am making a peach coffee cake for everyone else. I know how good that recipes tastes, but as of right now my temptation to eat it, myself, is really quite low. Good thing, right? The weight loss and desire to lose this last two pounds on this round is very, very motivating to me to stick to my guns and NOT cheat myself out of them. I really think I can make it or get darn close over these last few days on my period and that coffee cake is not my friend when it comes to how it makes me feel. In future craft nights it might be worth it to have a small slice of cake or a cookie that aren't grain or sugar free, but my standard daily fare is definitely going to be as close to devoid of those things as possible, so the occasions I DOnhave them don't break the dietary bank and make me gain, have immune responses, etc.

Tonight I will be plying one of my weaker crafts - sewing. I have a few projects to complete (altering a previously made skirt, hemming some pants that were given to me by a much taller friend, finishing two aprons I already started) as well as beginning work on a new skirt. I bought the pattern for it when I was in the 190's and was one of the largest pattern sizes, and now I am the very bottom size offered and that might be too loose and need adjusting! So I wanted to make a few skirts out of it now, while it still fits, and I can just take them in as I shrink more. Sewing is one of those things I am fairly competent in, but I dislike cutting patterns and fabric, and do better when drafting my own patterns than following someone else's. But on terms of fit and style, the professional patterns have an edge and so I'm suffering through my dislike of them to get the final product. I think at least some of my reticence is due to being unconfident and inexperienced with the execution of them, and that I might enjoy this type of sewing more the more I do it. There's only one way to find out, right?

Anyway, craft night looks to be both enjoyable and a little disappointing, all at once. But I can do anything for six weeks, including abstaining from the tasty baked goods of my friends :)

Not much to report in - weight is unchanged from yesterday at 179.8, eating is fine, cycle is progressing, clothes still fit awesome.

In fact, on the subject of clothes, I do have one thing to excitedly report - I have this picture in my 'before' heap, and it has been highly motivating for me to aim for that weight and appearance as an initial goal:

I still have that tunic and skirt, which I sewed with a friend and her mother when I was fourteen or newly fifteen, if I recall. The skirt has tabs on the waist that can be pinned to adjust the fit tighter or looser, though it can be tied in a knot if it's getting loose.

Now, I am positive I am still ten pounds away from my weight in that picture, and that my shape has changed to a more curvy, womanly one in the intervening decade since it was taken.

But the skirt spent all of yesterday knotted around my waist. While my hips and bosom are much more shapely, my waist circumference is the same as it was back then. If that isn't a non-scale victory, I don't know what is!

Yes indeed, I was down at 179.8 today, and thus have finally, officially earned a new (nice) purse, whenever we can fit it in the family budget. It was my reward to myself for reaching 180, and the reward for 170 is a new wallet to go with it.

I've decided to just dose through this TOM instead of skipping three doses, as I mentioned a week or so ago, to comprise to my previous experience and decide which works better for me. I have my baseline weightloss from the previous period and so we'll see if the hCG makes any difference during it or not. The protocol recommends skipping three doses for the three heaviest period days, but many women don't skip and have no issues, so it seems to be a personal preference.

Beyond that, not much more to say. I have online purse shopping to do!

As mentioned in the previous post with my measurements included, it is time for new pictures since I hit the bottom of another ten pound milestone. Weeeeee!

Excuse the silly face, my husband was doing his typical make-the-wife-laugh routine. I don't see much of a change when I look in the mirror, it is nothing hugely dramatic, but I do see subtle changes between this picture and last month's shot. A well fitted shirt makes a difference, too!

I'm really happy with the progress in this shift in pounds. I'm beginning to look more 'normal', even though I'm still medically obese for another ten or so pounds. My husband claims there's been big changes and he loves it, but I can't see anything dramatic. I think more of that has to do with the skewed view I had of myself as I went up the scale, rather than dysmorphia going down. When I got heavier, I still thought I looked fine, you know? I wasn't really 'seeing' the weight, but rather seeing myself how I used to look. So now that I look like that again, it seems like everything righting itself rather than any big shift downward, because I didn't see the initial gain accurately or realistically. That's denial for you!

And now the side shots. 180.4:

VS 190.4 for comparison:

This is where I see more differences than straight on. My jawline is changing, sure, but losing much of that mummy tummy pooch from the c-section and subsequent weight gain and loss. My hips and belly look a lot more streamlined, as does the fat distributed through my back. It's just... less. No better way to put it.

And yes, I hide a surprising amount of hair in my bun every day, don't I?

That pink shirt was one of the cute hauls I got at Salvation Army last week. It's a little long in the sleeves and runs small, but in another few pounds (and with rolled sleeves or a cute blazer) it will be perfect!

I'm very pleased with my losses right now, there's no denying it. I have five or so more days I expect to be in the VLCD phase, thanks to TOM, and then I have six weeks to keep my weight as stable as possible (no gains OR losses) before trying to lose the next twenty or so. I am incredibly eager to see what I look like at 160 now as an adult instead of a high school soccer player, and I will do cartwheels off the roof with newly sprouted wings when my slight leftover chin/cheek fat goes away. And speaking of facial shots, I didn't have any good ones on this batch of weight photos, so I took a quick snapshot with my cute, but bed-headed, daughters. See you tomorrow morning with (fingers crossed) weight in the 170's? I certainly hope so!

Well, it *will* be picture time, if I actually remember to take some today. I am 180.4, or 26 pounds down from my load weight of 207.4, six-ish weeks ago. Since I have started taking pictures on round numbers, seeing a nice 180 means I can snap a few comparison shots and maybe one for posterity.

My TOM also officially started, though it is a few days late, so now I will remain on the VLCD and hCG shots until the bulk of it ends, then I will transition off the hCG for 72 hours before starting phase three. That's the plan, anyway, and thanks to my cycle's somewhat shady timing I might actually reach 177 as my last dose weight after all, which would be nice. That puts me 80 pounds down from my official start weight on this blog, anyway, and gives me a good number to start from for my second round, too.

I don't know if it was a bug or hormones, after the headache yesterday (that took hours to go away and lots of ibuprofen) my stomach was unhappy and I was dizzy, too. Apparently there is something going around our church right now and I may have caught it, but it feels like it was short lived.

New measurements may also come today, I'm interested to see if the visible losses on the scale and in clothes are as obvious with the tape measure. I have had an overall slimming going on, which means many inches lost aren't at the points the tape measures, but I think there will still be an appreciable difference.

Here are the news measurements, with the ones from 190.4, back on January 3rd, in parentheses.

Total inches lost in the last ten pounds: 10 inches!

Ten inches off my measured points in ten pounds is nothing I can complain about, and the numbers show the trend I am seeing in the mirror - no dramatic reshaping of certain body regions like last time, but losing over the entire fat pad around my body fairly evenly - slightly more in the areas I am prone to gaining (torso) and slightly less in the areas I remain more normal (limbs). But I've definitely noticed an overall slimming and shrinking, which is exactly what I need to have happen.

And for an even greater brain trip, when comparing my current measurements with my original start point at 257, back in October '08, I come up with a whopping 50.5 inches lost in three years! If that isn't motivating, nothing would be!

I'm an airhead. I drank my tea for breakfast yesterday and THEN remembered I hadn't weighed in. I also got lazy and didn't want to take a rest day, in case my period started I wanted to have a dose in, so yesterday was day 33 and I have no data for it. Not the end of the world, but it does foul up my self experiment records just a smidge.

Today though, day 34, was good. The scale dropped with some of my water retention and I was at 181.6, which is 25.8 pounds down from the beginning of the round. If I am in the 180 range tomorrow or the next day it will be picture time again. Woohoo! Two non-scale victories have also occurred - my hosiery and undergarments are not causing rolls and bulges at my waist for the first time in a decade, and my size 16 jeans are not only not giving me any muffin top issues, they're actually getting comfortably loose (not baggy, but not tight either). Yay!

The downside right now is that I have a wicked headache from my TOM and the hormone shifts that accompany it, so now I'm laying down for a nap. But overall I still feel really good, if ready to be done with P2 soon!

As for the fish tank, it is going swimmingly (couldn't resist, sorry!) and the two guppies are doing well. I am a little hesitant to cycle the tank with fish in it, as it is stressful for their systems, but daily water changes (approx. 20%) keep that to a minimum. I missed having fish for a few years, they are my favorite pets to watch and care for!

Yes, the dreaded water retention has struck full force, I'm at 184.2. This is one of the points where logging my weight for a few years is super helpful, because I'm not freaking out that my diet isn't working and I can't lose weight, simply because the scale went up! Though it is unfortunate, this always happens with my monthly cycle and isn't unexpected. The water weight and a few friends will leave soon enough, it just requires continued dietary patience.

In totally unrelated news, I'm setting up my empty aquarium to be a guppy tank for the kids. It's too small to house anything but minnows, danios, or guppies anyway, and I think they'll enjoy the colors and behavior of the fish. My goal down the road is the build a somewhat extensive acrylic tank for a few fancy goldfish (my absolute favorite) and my husband is both familiar with and somewhat skilled in lexan fabrication and chemical welds, so that's a very doable future project. For now, though, in the absence of our guinea pig (we finally had to put him down when he mysteriously broke a leg in his enclosure - he was already seven years old, blind, and increasingly unable to care for himself, so it was time) I think a small fish tank is the route to go for us. Fortunately I enjoy and am experienced in fishkeeping, and I've been waiting for an excuse to set that one back up.

Thus, I'm off to the store today to get new substrate, water conditioner (mine expired in the time between now and the last setup), and some plants to get the cycling started. Should be good!

Creeping along, that is. I am down .2 today, to 182.8 pounds. Not much progress for clean adherence to the diet day after day, but I can't really blame it. See, my period is due today or tomorrow, if the hCG didn't throw it off, and I always retain water leading up to and during my TOM. While I'm not thrilled it halts the scale, it usually makes for a nice whoosh a few days in. It also explains the mental cravings I was having the past few days - premenstrual hormonal munchies, clearly! And I didn't die by not feeding the desire, either ;)

I really hope my cycle resets right now, as that makes concluding on the hCG much less tricky (you are not supposed to transition off it during your period as it leads to stabilization problems) and this would give me another week of injections or so before I cleanly conclude the VLCD portion, with no song and dance or wondering about how many additional injections to do to offset the hormonal issues TOM brings about when it coincides with the hCG. So as much as I hate the first week of a new cycle, the timing is fairly ideal and it takes the guesswork out of how to conclude this course. It also gives me plenty of time to get closer to my goal, since I CAN'T stop in the middle of it, and takes away the decisions on when to end that I have been waffling over.

So the water retention isn't my favorite, nor is the hormonal snappiness, but this would work out for the best. Unlike the last TOM I am not stopping injections for three days in the middle. I did it once and saw how my body and the scale reacted (not too bad, actually!) as a baseline, so now I'm going to test what the alternative course of action does to me. Stay tuned for science experiments updates ;)

Not much to report in, I am down another .4 pounds to 183.0, with 182.8 flickering in there, too. Slow and steady losses at a slightly lower rate than at the beginning seems to be my lot. That means it will likely take me a full 40 day course to get at or near my goal, which is not what I wanted but it seems to be what my body is happy with. The difference is just a few days, I can make it. Maximum, I have 13 more days on a VLCD before transitioning up to normal calories with high protein, fat, and fiber, but no sugar or starch. It's so close I can taste the steak ;)

Inches are still coming off appreciably. I am not sure they are easy to measure, as it seems the spots I measure are changing minimally, but I am losing in more than just those select data points and the overall effect on my shape is pretty dramatic. I'm nowhere near my goal and still technically obese until the 160's, if I recall, but it's quite the vast visual and health improvement from class three morbid obesity I started out with! The entire thing is a slow, necessary process, and it takes vigilance to maintain it, but I'm ready. My head has been sorted out and my choices are clear, so now it is just a daily working and waiting game, to get the weight off. We'll see how well I stabilize in P3. My next goal is to keep my fluctuations on the scale to the minimum range and really reset my weight there, and I'm eager to get started. But the psychological difference of maintaining in the range of the 170's as opposed to the 180's is huge and worth sticking out a few more voluntary days on this diet.

It is worth noting that the food, especially well seasoning, is far from miserable on this plan. It is healthy and satisfying. My desire to move off the VLCD is less to do with the food I can eat and more a desire for some of the things I can't. More core eating will remain similar - slow eating, smaller portion sizes, food heavy on nourishing components like vegetables and animal protein/fat, with the condiments and accoutrements being things like berries or the occasional chocolate and rice when I hit P4. But the underlying basis of healthy, low-glycemic-impact nutrition with a focus on satiety and hunger cues remains. Ironically it is the way I began this weight journey, with the Don't Go Hungry Diet, and it is the way I will end. Those principles and recommendations, by and large are the same as what I have decided to maintain on. It was and is an excellent diet with solid advice and in the low-inflammation, Paleo vein of thought. Even when I began it, it worked very well for making me healthy and aware of my nutritional needs. The problem was that I maintained on it but didn't lose well. Losing is my problem. But now that I have a vehicle to lose weight, having a healthy maintenance plan already in place is a huge boon to me and will help me immensely down the road.

I say all this to explain that weight loss and health are journeys, and not straight shots down a highway, either. They are winding, with detours and scenic routes and rest stops and even a few blown tires here and there. But everything we learn, every place we pass, has something to teach us. And those lessons that we're learned back in the past are all a part of our progress and can be necessary to us in the most unexpected ways in the future. Coming somewhat full circle over the course of three years is hilarious to me, honestly. And I am SO grateful that the Lord guided me on this path as he did, where I was fortunate enough to begin my weight loss with sensible advice, adjust it with more sensible advice, and come across this section that ties it all together and supplies the missing piece I needed to make the earlier part of the journey work with the destination. HCG has been incredible for me, learning to measure and log food has been such a boon for my awareness, and learning to watch and listen to what my body is telling me regarding nutrition and my emotions, as I first began, is still as wise and useful as ever. That the nutritional approach I was sold on way back in the beginning and moved away from somewhat, in the quest for lower calories, has turned full circle to be my path for maintenance with only minimal adjustments?

Well, let's just say I'm as confident as ever that I don't do this by my own power, but through diligence and perseverence prayed for and received. God is faithful in our challenges, and though His ways don't always make sense to us at the time, it is always for his glory. I am losing weight to be a better steward of my body and a more able servant in my home. It is good to be reminded of both why I am doing this (family), where the journey ends (standing accountable before the throne of God), and why I am here at all, in the midst of trials (to bring glory to Him). For me, at least, the pounds are important, but they pale in comparison to the real reasons for my working in this and other areas.

Sorry about missing a day, yesterday was insanely busy from the crack of dawn (actually pre-dawn, as here in Alaska right now the sun doesn't rise until after 10 am and I woke up at 6:00) to bedtime, and I jut never got time to log on. But it was uneventful, so there wasn't much to document. I was 183.8 (unchanged from dose 27) yesterday and down .4 today, to 183.4. That brings me to 24 pounds, even, lost, and slow but definite progress toward 177. I'm getting there, I am!

I did my shopping at the salvation army last night and bagged some good church clothes and tops, in particular. There were mostly 16's and some 14's that fit, along with two size 14 tops that were a little too tight but were so cute I grabbed them anyway, as I think they'll fit in another ten pounds and it gives me someone tangible to look forward to. The last time I could wear a 14 was when I was 16 and in the 160-175 pound range, so it was pretty exciting. I know there has been some size inflation, but a few old 14's I have kept for a decade also fit, so it can't be too different. That said, thanks to the cut of some garments and general weird sizing, I also have a few size 18 dresses that don't fit flatteringly and it hasn't improved much. I'm beginning to think the issue is less my fat and more my bosy's shape. I am petite through my torso with long legs and a long inseam, so dresses sized for Misses tend to be too long-bodied for me and the waist and shoulders don't hit me properly without alteration. My waist is smaller and my hips are larger than they were when I was this weight in the past, so it has made guessing what will fit even tougher.

Still, I'd rather be fitting in the medium to occasional extra large-in-a-cocktail-dress range, than donning 3x and wondering why nothing looks good. I haven't been there in a long time and don't want to go there again! And really, if I end up at goal at a size 8-10 I won't complain. It isn't itty bitty, but it is a heck of a lot better than where I am, especially if I am strength training along with it. I still haven't narrowed down my goal window beyond just guessing where I want to be (somewhere below 160 and probably around 140? Maybe?) but I'll know it when I get there based on how I look and feel. The number doesn't really matter so much to me.

Finally, some decent movement on the scale!

I was due for it, but the scale jumped from 185.6 yesterday to 183.8 today. So I can submit my weight to my health insurance for a 35% discount off my current rate in a year, if I have maintained at or below the given weight, as well as feel awesome and slender all day ;)

PS: The cravings from last night? Gone. If it was genuinely physiological I'd be more ravenous upon waking, and instead I feel just fine, not hungry or even particularly thirsty. Waiting out cravings is awful for a time, but the long term benefit of saying 'not now' to myself is clear in the scale progress, loose clothes, and feeling proud of a lot of hard work.

I rarely suffer from it these days, but the past week I've had terrible insomnia, despite taking valerian and being dog tired all day long. This post, typed at 11:36 pm when I originally sat down for bed around 8:00, would be exhibit B in the rather unfunny joke that is my current sleep schedule. I have been exhausted all day from poor sleep last night, but I am having a heck of a time shutting my brain off right now. It might be diet related, but I doubt it. More likely hormonal, as I'm also struggling with head hunger and cravings this evening. My period is a bit screwy on the hCG, but I'm not technically due for another week. Still, whatever the reason, the sleeplessness affects both my performance and the scale. For that reason, I really hope some shut-eye will be coming sooner than later!

Food was good today - breakfast, as always, was chai tea with my tbsp of milk and some stevia. Lunch was some baked daikon radish 'chips' with some new spice rub I acquired at our local tea and spice emporium, along with some chicken sautéed with water and the same. The grissini and an apple topped it off. Dinner was shrimp, homemade cocktail sauce for my vegetable, my grissini, and some grapefruit with Erythritol to sweeten a bit. All satisfying and appropriately filling, which makes me sure my cravings for P3 and P4 foods tonight was more head related. My stomach isn't growling and I had plenty of water, so I'm just ruthlessly shoving down the cravings as I toss and turn. They'll be gone by tomorrow, they always are, it's just a matter of my head overruling my emotions regarding food and keeping on plan.

I have been noticing what might be some immunity issues regarding hCG, in both my slowed loss pattern (and tons of little stalls) along with an increased desire for P3-style meals and more food-centric thoughts again. Simeons' absolute maximum round length was 40 effective injections, and I'm over the minimum and just two weeks away from the maximum. My losses have been great and I'm honestly content with ending sooner than later and getting into the next phases for six weeks, as the strictness of P2 is both mentally and physically taxing. I've had so much success that I'm happy to work on stabilizing like a rock rather than pushing for a longer round, as I originally thought I might do. With those thoughts in mind, I have decided I will transition off of my hCG and into P3 either at 40 days or when I reach 177 pounds, whichever comes first. That gives me a window of 175-179 to maintain within for the duration of P3 and P4 and puts me solidly in the 170's, a place I haven't seen since high school.

I am really hoping those six or seven pounds come off sooner than 40 full injections, but either way I think it is a great number to end this loss cycle on and very respectable. I will have lost 30 pounds this round if I reach it.

My clothes are getting too loose, so I will be heading to the Salvation Army to get sme interim stuff for the stabilization part of the round. I'm really looking forward to picking through their stuff, my friend has assured me that right now the selection is excellent, especially among dressier church wear, which is primarily what I am in need of. It is just one sweet reward along this journey, right up there with looking awesome, feeling lighter, and being fairly free of food cravings aside from rare times like tonight.

My plan is to mix up one more batch of fresh hCG tomorrow, on the off chance that sme of my head hunger and restlessness is due to my batch beginning to lose potency. It should take me right through 40 days if needed, with another two boxes of Hucog standing by for mixing either on a future round or if I should have to extend my current round due to a poorly timed period (it is bad to end your last dose during your period, it tends to screw up stabilization, so taking extra doses through the end of it is necessary if dates should fall that way). That makes a nice tidy number, a tidy dose amount, round length, and everything else. I would be tickled pink if I could resume my better losses and get off the last little bit of weight in a week instead of two, but I'm counting on it taking longer and will just be pleasantly surprised if it doesn't ;)

Now. Hopefully my brain will shut off and I can get some rest. If I sleep immediately I can still get seven hours before the alarm goes off. And this, on a night when I went to bed in time to get 10 solid hours. Oy!