First off, let's get the basics out of the way. I exercised intentionally three times out of four days last week, and went outside/to the park each of those days as well. I weighed in at 215.8 Sunday morning, and was up two pounds this morning from a heavenly, but salty, pho soup last night. I still feel great.

Now, to the important and fun stuff:

We had our ultrasound this morning (and I only got four hours of sleep, so I am dying for a nap after this!) and everything looked great. The sonographer was able to get all the important angles and no visible problems were present. Great heart, kidneys, stomach, brain, spine, even down to a perfect palate and nasal bridge.

And the other thing that was present? A penis! Oh yes, we are indeed expecting our first SON, to add to our lovely daughters. I am over the moon with excitement that everything on him looked good, and that the pressure for producing a boy is now off for all future children. It really was a huge relief.

So my week is made. I had a fabulous 4th anniversary last Thursday and combination Mothers Day/Anniversary dinner on Saturday. I will be 24 in two days as well, and that should be fun. Everything has continued to go well as we adjust to the schedule (and to interruptions, like everyone waking up several hours early this morning), my food is pretty good (I need to focus on getting more veggies in again, though), and I am moving around more than I ever did, even when I am NOT intentionally exercising. All in all I am just so happy with how things are progressing, and thank God for all these blessings I've been given in a healthy body, healthy family, new baby, etc.

All in all, it's been a darn good week. Yay for sons!

Hey all :)

It was a good and healthy week, and after popping out visibly over the weekend I am also up to 215.8 (though at least smidge of that is sodium from some absolutely fabulous homemade popcorn). I feel good and look good, have stayed on plan very well. So why, you ask, would the blog title imply I am taking a little bit of an online break? Usually, in the world of weightless blogs, that means falling off the wagon big time.

Well for me, it's an indicator of wonderful success! Remember how I talked about trying to finish/establish my schedule, and needed to improve my home management? Well after a TON of prayer, the Lord really guided me through and helped me achieve that end, and I not only completed my schedule, but I actually implemented it for the first time today. And even more miraculous? I stuck to it like glue, without a ton of issues. It took a lot of prayer and some discipline, but it paid off in a very productive and smooth day for the entire family.

The schedule itself has literally been six months in the making, and actually writing it out, cutting out the pieces, praying over it and running it by my husband and then sticking it together and pinning it up on the wall... That took two hours over the weekend and all of my free time Monday afternoon. But it was totally worth it. I biked my kids down to the park, cleaned for an hour and forty minutes, and walked a weighted, aerobic mile with a Leslie Sansone DVD. I also got laundry folded, three meals made with complete cleanup, AND an hour nap. Heck, Callie even got a half hour of preschool in. It was a huge success, and I know it my heart this is what I have been needing to do for two years. I only regret that procrastination and sin kept me from completing it, but the Lord has been so faithful in answering my prayers in this area and I feel a complete sense of peace.

In addition to honoring and assisting my husband, spending more time daily in scripture and prayer, and being a better mother to my children, this schedule also gives me two times the daily exercise - with my kids AND a workout alone, during their nap. Food is about the last thing on my mind except during mealtimes, and I am having even LESS trouble sticking to my food plan than normal, given a more structured day.

Now, after all those good things, here is one more arguable good thing - my time during the day is being monopolized by much more important things than food and weightloss, or the Internet, I have scheduled computer time each day, but it is more limited than it used to be and in this forced maintenance mode I don't really benefit from a lot of blog involvement on my own little corner of the internet. I'm happy, things are going well, and spending more time away from the computer is a GOOD thing for me. So given these factors and my limited internet time, I will still do a basic weekly check in, but in general I will be updating less and have less to say for at least a little while. I feel really at peace with a less active presence online right now, and have cut out most websites I used to visit completely. The blog I follow, 3FC, and a few other select sites will still be on my daily visit list, but I just don't have a lot to say right now about life and weightloss.

Everything is good, and good makes for boring, repetitive blog topics unless you're a particularly committed blogger (trust me, I'm not!).

So I'm still here, every day, cheering you all on. I just have less to say right now. Life's uncomplicated and happy, I am blessed and have finally gotten the biggest 'issue' left untouched in my life under control and with great success. Like weight management, home management and my relationships with those I love are an ongoing process that I have to work on and succeed in daily. Right now I am feeling very called to focus on both of these, but I don't need to or have mental energy to expend recounting every boring detail online.

I still log my weight daily, I am exercising MORE than I have in four months, and I am more committed than ever, even in this maintenance, to do the very best I can. I am praying about this and feel very strongly that, right now, I am being led away from being online more than is essential. I did not want to get quieter online without an explanation, lest you all assume what *I* would, which is that this blog went the way of so many others and I fell off the wagon but was too ashamed to admit it, so I just disappeared. The reality is 100% the opposite, and I am very joyful for it.

I may do some blogging about the details of my schedule, and log my weekly exercise time in when I post my weight update for the week, but in lieu of greater details just assume that things are staying very much the same - comfortable, managed, and progressing very well indeed.

Praise the Lord - none of these wonderful changes in my life over the course of this journey are on my own power, its all grace and His faithfulness to me, in the end :)

Up on Sunday to 214.2, I'm really happy with that :).

I feel pretty good, look cute, and am keeping up with the kids without issue. Right now, however, I have to make dinner for said kids, and don't have much time to type. I forgot to weigh on Monday so Sunday will have to do, but overall I am eating on plan and having a steady, slow upward trend. If this holds, I'll gain around ten pounds during the pregnancy, and that is fabulous!

So yeah, weight is good, life is busy, time marches on. See ya later!

Fast little weight update - after suffering from the stomach flu and getting appreciably better by Tuesday (rough from Sunday to then) I suspected my weight was artificially low from vomiting and general dehydration. After all, it had been 215-ish for half of the previous week, once the major vacation/airport bloat settled.

However, it is now Friday and I can safely say that I DID manage to lose some weight from last week, to be sitting firmly in the 214-214.8 range, and I suspect my ease in doing this is related to diminished stomach capacity and a general boredom with eating when I am not hungry. I still hit the occasional emotional food moment where I have to brace myself (and do occasionally give in) as well as a pregnancy craving here or there, but overall I am sitting happily with logging my food and weight daily. I can honestly say I do not spend the time immediately after one meal considering the next, and am not fixated by food.

I've never been a binger, but this is still HUGE for me. All my life I have been preoccupied with eating - I LOVE food, for hunger, taste, emotional distress, enjoyment, rewards, you name it. And even upon buckling down and changing my lifestyle I still maintained a preoccupation with food, it just morphed a bit into a control game, instead of just self-indulgent mode. But something seems to have quietly, subtly mentally shifted, and I find myself mostly free from bondage to food.

Maybe it is that my goal has become more important, life has become too busy, or that my focus has shifted to other parts of my body than my weight. I am not eating fabulously, with some days having far less roughage than they should, but I am not eating everything in sight for any old reason either. I eat when I am hungry and generally stop when I am full but not overstuffed. I indulge in treats, but don't get out of control - a serving is generally enough. I practice moderation on almost all foods and nothing is off limits. I don't obsess over what I am eating or will eat. I log my food and weight with neutral emotions - no "Bad Taryl, you messed up!" or "Great job, the scale will show a loss for sure!".

Somewhere along this journey, I stopped being preoccupied with my diet and exercise because there was too much other stuff to do. Even if it is just vegging on the couch, avoiding a chore, I am not feeling the need to EAT as a diversion.

I suspect this is related to maintenance. Because I can't really focus on losing weight, I am essentially in a healthy holding pattern, my behaviors with food can be looser than when I am trying to lose weight. And unlike BEFORE I tried to change my habits and was 250-260 pounds, my default daily eating is healthy, serving-size appropriate, and pretty well balanced. I'm not winning any veggie-eating awards, but I'm doing just fine. So *now*, at least, in this superimposed maintenance mode, I am genuinely finding my focus doesn't HAVE to be on food, good or bad, for me to live my life without regaining. These habits are automatic for me, and they're kicking in without me even realizing it.

I also suspect that when the baby comes, my stomach volume increases HUGELY overnight again and I am being drained of calories via breastfeeding, that this will shift back into active weight loss mode and more focus will be back on food (as it has to be, at least temporarily, while trying to establish a different calorie intake again). And when I am actively trying to affect the scale I think it will be hard NOT to scrutinize and plan my meals more, it's all just part of changing a variable to achieve a lower weight.

But I am really comforted and thrilled with the fact that I don't have to be food focused forever to avoid a regain. Basic vigilance and preventative steps, in the form of tracking my calories and weight, are really all the tools I need to maintain at these levels. I imagine daily or reasonably regular activity will also factor into maintenance. But somehow, somewhere along this journey, a lifelong obsession with tasty eats became manageable WITHOUT excess. I still enjoy delicious food AND some junkier fare, but like a naturally skinny person, I seem to have achieved a balance that doesn't skew me towards gain OR loss. With a few simple steps each day I am managing to be 'normal' with my eating and not mentally fighting myself to stay on plan and focus on anything other than my next meal.

Rambly though it may be, this revelation elicits a hearty "yay!" from me! So here's to 214 and wherever else the scale goes right now. I'm doing just fine, looking forward to losing more in the future, and reestablishing this content, manageable maintenance mode in the future, at my goal weight :)

My weight today was 213.6, with some caveats.

I have been clocking around 215 for a few days, so I do believe that is more accurate. Somewhere along the lines I caught a stomach bug or food poisoning, and spent most of last night throwing up everything that had ever been in my stomach and fighting lower gastro issues as well. FUN! So I do think that, plus my aversion to eating ANYTHING right now, may have given me a slightly-lower-than-truly-representative weight this morning.

Still, I left for the vacation at 211 and am back at 213-215... It's two weeks of baby gain AND not logging my food, so I'll take it with a grin!

Given that I feel like absolute crap and have no energy to speak of (probably dehydration and a lack of fuel for the muscles) I am not planning on exercising today. That's okay - taking it easy and getting lots of rest will benefit my body far more than pushing too hard and causing myself injury or exhausting myself and delaying my healing from whatever is (making me miserable) ailing me.

Being sick sucks for sure, but there's always a silver lining to even the worst of days. Since I weighed in at OVER 220 when I got off the plane, I consider leveling out a few pounds higher than my previous weight to be quite nice, indeed.

How did YOU do this week?

Diane, over at Fit to the Finish, had a phenomenal blog post today that tied right into where I am with my fitness, I urge you to go check it out and be inspired both by her, and her commenters.

Tying into the comment I left there, here's my report of how my walking went yesterday afternoon:

I admit, my fitness goals are modest at best! My current lame, but achieved, goal was to not let my inability to keep using the exercise bike during pregnancy be an excuse to not move at all and sink into laziness. Especially after a two week disruption of routine, it would have been SO easy to just laze around and not get moving.

But I said I wanted to walk most days of the week and I meant it! I found some shoes, made some time, crossed my fingers that I wouldn't wake the kids and walked three miles at home. Given how prone to laziness and procrastination I am, this was a true victory. It isn't a 5k, it's not even leaving my home... But it is me, showing my commitment to myself and my will to continue to persevere.

It doesn't matter how many times I fall off the wagon, or how many excuses I give myself. It doesn't even matter how often I fail at the goals I set for myself. Every day is a new opportunity to try and do better, and I won't give up. This is a lifelong process and I am only 18 months into it, and more committed than ever. I AM succeeding, the weight is staying off, even without the gratification of seeing the scale drop or seeing sizes get smaller, I know in my heart I am staying the path through a difficult set of circumstances and I am PROUD of myself.

So I will walk again, and again, and again, because that is the promise I make myself. I won't fulfil it everyday, things will come up and I WILL fall into old habits now and again, but I will keep coming back every morning and renewing that promise to myself. I will keep trying again. I have been blessed with a spirit of joy and perseverence and through a lot of prayer and fastidious committment I will keep on the path set before me in this and other areas of my life.

I know what I need to do, it is just a matter of a willingness to do it. And so for that, I'll keep walking.

Here's to another 3 miles today!

Well I survived my 'vacation' (read: obligatory trip) to Michigan and surrounding areas, only a little worse for wear, and am HAPPILY back home with my routine, my internet, and my house rules!

I gained some weight on the trip and I am still waiting to see what is 'real' and what is residual airport bloat, so my first official weigh in will be the normal one on Monday. Due to almost everything being homemade and in unmeasured quantities (I was dealing with a 93 year old woman, I wasn't going to offend her or put her out in any way with my preferred food habits!) I did not log my food the entire trip, but now that I am home everything is being accounted for and written down again.

All in all it went well, but traveling with two small children over a huge time change and with lots of car and plane time is EXHAUSTING. I think my husband and I were honestly more tired DURING and AFTER the vacation than we were BEFORE it, which is absolutely amazing given what our schedule was looking like!

In other general news I feel pretty good - I did score some new walking shoes that fit better and am looking forward to doing some walking during the week, and I also got a new maternity wardrobe that is ALL XL's!!!!! I was in 3x for most of my tops and 1x-2x for my pants, and now I can shop a CLEARANCE RACK and find things that fit in normal sizes! 75% of the store I couldn't even look for clothing in, I was reduced to a plus-sized 'corner', and now I can look at something cute and almost guarantee the store will have it in my size. The only trick is that, due to my HUGE bust (which has not reduced in size even with 45 pounds of weight loss) some cuts of tops (empire, mostly) with seams under the bust do NOT fit, even in a 3x... the seam just cuts right across my boobs in a VERY unflattering way. But having certain styles that don't flatter/fit me is a heck of a lot different than not being able to shimmy into STRETCH pants in a normal size!

Needless to say, it was quite a thrilling NSV. And since these clothes were purchased at Birch Run, arguably the US's largest outlet mall, I also paid about $219 for over $400 worth of clothes! SCORE!

* * * * *

In pregnancy news, I am quite popped out now, and feeling great. I had an appointment yesterday and everything looked good - baby's heart rate was found immediately and chugging away, my blood pressure was 100/69, my fundal height was 18 cm (I always measure large because I am short :)... everything was as it should be. I was given a referral to schedule my second trimester biophysical (the sex ultrasound, to most people) and my next appointment is scheduled on my birthday, May 12th. The ultrasound will be scheduled sometime earlier in that week, I think, as they want me to be about 19 weeks for the scan.

I'm excited and feeling pretty good for the most part - back pain worsened on this trip due to eight hour car rides and seven hours on a plane, and nausea has come back badly, along with some migraines, but nothing has been too debilitating for my daily going-ons to be terribly affected.

Now that I am home I am moving my focus to improving my fitness and continuing to stick to my calorie budget. I really am less concerned with what my weight does, as the baby is actively putting on poundage and adding amniotic fluid at this point, and I know that if I am eating healthfully and being moderately active that the weight will take care of itself. So wherever the benchmark is on Monday, I will hold my head high for the next six months and let the pounds fall where they may. I am in control of my behaviors, not the scale, and will not fret over the random number generator if everything else is in line.

It's good to be back, loves!

The lab got back to me quite quickly, and the sample they had on hand tested completely normal for thyroid function. That's both good and bad - by my blood, at least, I am in optimum health, which is great news. But now I have a bevy of symptoms I can't shake and no explanation for them. Will they persist? Will they go away? What's causing them? I have no answers to any of this.

The nurse's best guess what that it was just a weird hormonal fluctuation that did this. It's possible, of course, but hard to believe my body would react to a normal pregnancy so differently this time around, and with symptoms not typical of pregnancy. As Diane suggested in the comments to the last post, it may have been weightloss as well - but I lost so slowly and gradually it's hard to believe that would have caused a nutritionally-related shed.

My only recourse right now is to keep an eye on the symptoms and keep measuring my thickness every month. If I don't lose more and none of the other symptoms get worse, I will just assume it was a freak occurrence and no underlying problems persist. If I am still having ongoing problems I am going to seek out a deeper metabolic panel to test things like liver enzymes and such and rule out some other possible cause.

I'm super healthy by every indicator but how I feel. Greeeeaaat.

Today and tomorrow have been/will be dedicated to cleaning and getting packed, my LEAST favorite part of travel (I always forget something), I just hope I have the energy to do what needs to be done. Tonight we're offloading my guinea pig to some kids in church to care for, and making sure no cloth diapers are left unwashed before we travel (ewwww.). Food-wise I am doing well today, though I have a headache I just can't shake and I didn't eat anything that would trigger a food-sensitivity-related headache. I just feel off, and it's not making my job any easier!

Add to that my sick toddler who has woken me up over a dozen times a night the past two nights, and who is running a 103.5 fever as of this afternoon (it did go down a few degrees with tylenol, thankfully), and this trip is becoming more daunting by the minute! She conked out for her nap within five minutes of going down, so I hope sleep does her good. On the upside, her little sister is happy as a clam and showing no signs of illness, despite constant swapping of water cups and 'sharing' of food (read: stealing it).

So this day has been... blah. Good and bad news, a bit challenging, and very exhausting (I will blame the daughter in lieu of an aberrant blood test). Here's to tomorrow being better!

Well I think I have made mention on here before that I thought I may have been anemic, because I was so tired, lethargic, freezing cold all the time, and generally out of it.

Last night I measured my hair circumference to see how it was doing (one of my hobbies is growing my hair down to my knees and learning elaborate updos, so I check the length and thickness from time to time) and I went from 4.5 inches of hair last year and over 4 inches in circumference in December, to just under 3.5 last night. I lost over half an inch in hair volume, after consistently measuring closer to 4.5 and even close to 5 most of my life. I have always had very thick, healthy hair and I noticed it seemed like my buns were a bit smaller, but I am horrified at just how much hair I have lost. That is NOT normal shedding at all, and given my battery of other symptoms I knew anemia was not the culprit.

I called my OB, alarmed by this new symptom, especially when hair retention is normal for pregnancy and certainly NOT hair loss, and they found my prenatal blood panels were perfect, no anemia or common deficiencies. The nurse also agreed with me on my tentative personal diagnosis - that all the symptoms are classic indicators of hypothyroidism.

It can be brought on during pregnancy and cause developmental issues in the baby if left untreated and severe enough, so I am having my blood tested specifically for a thyroid panel and an additional reactive test to see how much T4 is in my system at this time. A slightly low thyroid function isn't unusual for pregnancy, but to be this symptomatic I would probably be significantly deficient enough to require medication until it resolves on its' own (if it does).

Honestly, I am it glad to know I am not crazy and that these symptoms really ARE worse than in previous pregnancies, and not normal. I am really upset about my hair loss, it's about the only feature of my body I absolutely love and I already am dealing with shedding and crazy regrowth from Lilah's pregnancy... So I hope this IS hypothyroidism, if only because it is an ANSWER to what is wrong with me and easily treatable (and upon treatment my hairloss should stop, thank goodness).

If it is NOT hypothyroidism then I am stumped and will probably request a deeper metabolic panel - it is becoming debilitating, how sluggish and out of it I am, and the constant freezing body is interrupting my quality of life. I was so cold last night, in fact, it kept me from falling asleep for five hours. I am sitting in a 70 degree house in jeans, a long sleeved shirt, and still so cold I am almost shivering. Cold intolerance is a huge indicator for lagging metabolic function, which is essentially what hypothyroidism is, so it would be fabulous if that was indeed my issue and all my worst, most disruptive symptoms would be fixed.

Given these developments, I am under a bit of stress. The good news is that the baby looked fabulous upon analysis of the 1st trimester screening and NT test - healthy, normal, and at incredibly low risk for the most common genetic conditions. The OB also assured me that even a severely underactove thyroid would not affect the baby's development adversely in the beginning of pregnancy, which is why they removed a thyroid panel from their prenatal blood tests to begin with. Getting medicated would alleviate my symptoms, but it wouldn't benefit the baby much before the third trimester. The baby's thyroid should still develop normally even if mine is funky. The risks come toward the end of pregnancy, with blood pressure issues and preterm labor being the most common risks associated with hypothyroidism.

The lab happened to still have my blood from the prenatal panel last week, so they are running tests now and I should have a diagnosis by Wednesdau, before I leave town for two weeks. That way, if I am very deficient they should be able to get me a prescription for synthetic thyroid hormones before I leave (if need be).

At this point, it's just nice to know I am not being a hypochondriac and that hair loss like this indicates SOMETHING more is wrong with me than just normal pregnancy issues. This would be the easy answer - so I am praying I don't have to look for some other cause and that we pinpoint it in the first go-around.

In unrelated weight loss updates, my weight this morning was 212.4, but I am retaining dinner from last night, so I went with yesterday's weight that more accurately reflected my week's trend, which was 211.8. Not bad, not bad. I have had a resurgence of nausea and food aversions these past two days, so eating is becoming challenging again, but I am just doing the best I can. Exhaustion and lethargy have prevented me from moving ad much as I'd like (nice to know this may be chemical, not just a lack of will) but I will still set out to do my walking DVDs every day and evaluate how I feel as I go along.

My eating has been healthy and within the 1900-2000 calorie range most days, with some higher days on Ladies Craft Night (think knitting and junk food!) and a date night with my husband (which was sorely needed), but I am still happy to be maintaining in fairly the same weight range this week. As long as I am being mindful of the quality of my nutrients and what my body is telling me regarding hunger, I am doing just fine. Food journaling is still necessary accountability, and gain or lose I know I am doing what I need to be doing and the weight will take care of itself.

If I find out about the thyroid panel before we fly out I'll post an update, otherwise I'll get to it when I next have Internet. We have a lot to do before we go (including the housesitting arrangements for the guinea pig and plant watering, mail gathering, etc) so wish me luck in getting it all done without too much physical drag!

Since my previous post was such a downer, how about a set of belly pictures? It just so happens that my first progress shot in the mid-240's was in this same top, which was a maternity shirt. It fits quite a bit better now, and was HANGING pre-pregnancy.

So without further ado - 12 week belly shots!

I pop out VERY early with this being my third healthy pregnancy and being short, on top of that. I was probably this size around 24 weeks with my first daughter, and it just keeps happening earlier every time.

To give some perspective, as I said in the album on the sidebar my prepregnancy underbust measurement was 39 inches, and my waist was around 41, so I had almost a straight line down my torso with just a little hip pooch. Now, not so much. Let's check out the view from the top, for more perspective:

I *used* to me able to see my toes, but it takes a bit more neck craning now!

And as a finale, let's see a non-pregnant Taryl in the same top, around 40-ish pounds ago:

It ain't pretty, but it's the truth. The top, even as a maternity top (a size 16 from JC Penney's maternity section) is too loose for me now, I only wear it around the house. It was hideously tight and unattractively at 246.7 pounds, but my non-maternity clothes were a good two sizes bigger. I have lost a good 6-8 inches off my waist, and another 6 off both my hips and underbust (bust stayed the same), and now the same top fits me completely differently. Even with a baby belly it is loose through the bust, hangs down my back, doesn't fit closely at my waist or anywhere else. In this last picture it looks like I was poured into it! Ick!

So for all the fellow losers who may read this blog let this be an encouragement. I am still fat, still morbidly obese for my height, and I lose VERY slowly. But even with a growing belly I still look 1000x better than I did at my higher weights. It IS worth it, it DOES show, and watching myself in maintenance through pregnancy will absolutely pay off in me NOT wearing my maternity clothes a year after my baby is born, this time around.

Baby bumps = cute, even on a fat girl. Back rolls and a Santa belly? That's only cute if you're two feet tall and six months old, and definitely NOT worth keeping around. I will calorie count over looking like I used to ANY DAY of the week!

Well I'll start this out with a confession - I did NOT get to do my walking yesterday, my evening was just too packed. Well, that, and somewhere after rolling out of bed my brain fell out of my head and I spent literally the entire day three steps behind whatever my body was actually doing. No particular reason for it, either, but I was dazed and exhausted. I barely got bread baked in the afternoon, and was late to my evening engagement (a bible study at a friend's home). It was not pretty, I am grateful to my long suffered husband for helping me and understanding his wife had been replaced with a mannequin with the reasoning capabilities of a mentally challenged midge fly.

Anyway, the night was further challenged when I set about locating a receipt for a fiber arts customer who I have been having LOADS of stressful shipping issues with, only to find it had literally disappeared into thin air. Not only is that problematic for HER to deal with the post office and lack a pdf of that receipt, but now MY records don't match for tax time, because I do not have proof I dropped that money on the postage between my bank records and my physical records file. It's maddening, and knowing I have to search all day for it and probably STILL won't find it is absolutely ruining my day, and it's barely started!

Then there's a longer standing situation of chiropractic and the HORRIDLY early appointments I have to schedule for my husband's convenience. I have been seeing a wonderful chiropractor three days a week for the past two weeks to help with my pregnancy-related back and hip problems. It's great.

What's not so great? The appointments are at 7:00 am. Peter drops me off, runs back home to stay with the sleeping kids, and then picks me up about 15-20 minutes later before going to work. In the meantime, I have to wake at 6:00 to get ready for them, and then go back to sleep (children willing!) once I get home. It wouldn't be such an issue except we have had such late nights (poor Peter) and those early mornings are KILLING me. I am getting so little sleep, not to mention it is throwing off my weight loss patterns, having to weigh much earlier in the day or after I have eaten something. It's just a mess.

The pain relief is worth it, sure, but it's a lot of days to wake three hours earlier than normal, whilst going to bed two hours LATER than intended.

All of this has added up to a no good, very bad day for me. Blargh. And it's just begun. Again.

*sigh*

Yesterday was a CRAZY early day with three separate medical appointments by the time I hit 10:30 am, and I usually weigh in at around 10:30-11:00 on an empty stomach, so knowing my weight was going to be funky I just didn't weigh in yesterday and instead used this morning's numbers as my benchmark for the week.

I am up .2 pounds to 212.2, which I am very happy with. I should have gained about 3-4 pounds of weight for a 'normal' pregnancy, so given my start weight I am right where I want to be and feeling pretty good.

My food aversions have, for the most part, tapered off. I am still having horrible cravings but they are mostly manageable, and am averaging around 2000 calories a day in food (which is also right around target).

Thank you for all the comments on my previous post about doing the Walk at Home DVDs. I am going to try to get them in this afternoon (which may be tough, as I have an event I need to prepare for this evening) and will try them barefoot to see if it is quieter. Sock feet don't work because I slip on the wood, and unfortunately I am pretty sure I went to shoes to begin with because my feet were really bothering me with that much pounding (I usually exercise barefoot at home, this is the only thing I use shoes for). I have very flat feet and still struggle with foot pain in my right foot from some sort of stress injury I got while walking last year, and even in shoes my feet don't like the pounding of walking 3-5 fast miles on a wooden floor, let alone with NO impact absorption or support for my overpronation. That said, I am still going to give it a shot and see if it is a workable solution.

In other good news, I had my nuchal translucency scan yesterday, and the baby looks great! Everything is measuring right on, my risk is extremely low for the tested-for genetic disorders, and I had a GREAT sonographer that let us see the baby and various measurements for over a half hour.

I am also, consequently, in my second trimester now! WOOHOO! This pregnancy has dragged for some reason, so I am happy to see a definitive time marker finally pass by, with a healthy baby to boot!

This week will find me continuing on this maintenance merry-go-round and making sure I am eating well and moving a bit. My hips and lower back are really bothering me (darn that relaxin hormone!) so I am just listening to my body, but I think my goals are easily attainable. The test will come in the next week, where I am stuck on a two week vacation. Not overindulging while stressed out, traveling, and constantly eating higher calorie food than my normal fare, will be quite a challenge. As with every other trip I've had, I will just do the best I can, but good thoughts for self control and accountability will be appreciated :)

Well, the end of the stationary bike, anyway!

I did indeed cycle yesterday and avoid a nap, and did 10.2 miles, to boot! The cycling, itself, felt great.

The problem? I had an achy, sore belly and cramps most of the evening, in addition to lower back pain. The angle the recumbent bike puts me at, plus my knees hitting my (ever-expanding) belly, is just too much now. If it is causing pain, it needs to stop until I am no longer pregnant (especially if one considers that I am essentially kneeing my offspring in the head every rotation of the peddles!).

So for now, I am shelving all cycling. I am pretty unhappy about it, as it was my main source of quiet exercise in this house, but you have to do what's necessary to remain healthy, and this is ceasing to be beneficial if it is causing me problems with my pelvis or uterus.

Feeling a need to move again today, I decided to take out some dusty Leslie Sansone dvds and walk a few miles, regardless of how uncomfortable my current footwear is (see previous posts :). I walked three miles at a 5 mph pace in about the same period of time I cycle 10 miles (40 minutes) and burned more calories doing it. Other than some initial muscles protesting it was fairly comfortable.

The problem with this, and why I shelved them temporarily, to begin with? I work out during my kids' naps, and though it may be coincidental, my youngest woke up halfway through my workout (and two HOURS early from her nap). We have wooden floors, and even with blankets hung to dampen sound and an exercise mat down, my feet still pound during these exercises, and I am afraid the noise of that is what woke her up. It is unacceptable for me to wake either girl from their naps, and not really possible to work out in a comfortable way outside with them at this time of the year. So I am stuck in a MAJOR quandary.

I did not think it sounded very loud to my ears, but by all evidence (an awake baby, which is terrible for the rest of the evening) I must have been pounding. It may have been a fluke, but she NEVER wakes up this early from her nap, and so it's hard to conclude it was anything but the noise from my feet that woke her.

So what do I do? I cannot do this while they are awake, as the downstairs is their only real play area and that is where I must work out. They will get stomped and constantly interrupt if I do this when they are awake, but it is interrupting their sleep. I am stumped, and more than a little annoyed. My only other 'solution' would be walking on a treadmill instead of on our floor, but that is just not financially feasible for me right now.

It's the end of the bike and a rough restart to walking, I'm highly frustrated at no apparent solution and it is important I keep moving throughout the pregnancy. I may just have to choose to walk close to the end of their nap (not ideal) and let it wake them up, but hearing them talk over the monitor or knowing they're awake in their cribs stresses me out and makes me itch for the workout to end. For now, I think I'll try again tomorrow or the next day I am ready to work out and see if they wake again, and decide my course of action from there.

Ah, hump day.

If only hubby and I can get over today, the rest of the week will fly. But it has been a very stressful and unproductive few days and I know we are both looking forward to the refreshment of the weekend (even though we are sans babysitters for Saturday :( ).

Today has been exhausting and blah for no reason at all, to the point where I actually dozed on the couch while my kids watched an hour of cartoons. Now, I NEVER fall asleep with them playing, they tend to get into too much trouble, so that is a fairly big red flag for me. I got about seven hours of sleep last night which is pretty good, but all day I have been freezing cold and exhausted. Heck, I turned the fireplace on until the room got to 75, and I was still almost shivering with cold.

On that note, I will be entirely unsurprised if I am anemic during this pregnancy, all signs point to a lack of iron. For now, I am eating my meat, beans, and green leafies and hoping for the best.

I just put my kids down for a nap with the full intention of taking one myself, but you know what? I changed my mind. I am going to do 40 minutes on the stationary bike first. After that, if I am still tired (which I am sure I will be) I'll lay down, but it's the perfect time to exercise and that may well improve both my mood and my energy level, and it will get my blood pumping as well.

Off to beat some endorphins out of my brain, whether it wants to give them up or not!

Not much to say this week, I'm just plugging along. My weigh ins were between 211.6 and 212.0 the whole week, so I definitely lost real weight after the 213-214 weigh ins of weeks previously, and 'gained' a little this week as the baby has grown more (though today, Tuesday, finds me back at 211.6).

I am finding myself a little hungry some days, to the point where I am needing more calories than I have been allotting, so like all things during this journey I adjust as needed to be satisfied. I am a firm believer that if you are GENUINELY hungry and feeding your body quality nutrients it is better to go by what your system is telling you, than try to 'legislate' your body's reactions with an artificial system (calorie counting). Things continue to look good here, with mild and tolerable pregnancy symptoms, decent energy most days, and no discernible increase in size beyond my belly :)

This week I'm going to focus on moving more, I will likely be breaking out my Leslie Sansone dvds again to see if they wake my kids up during their nap, as walking may be easier on my hips and belly than the stationary bike. On our Michigan trip in a little under two weeks I will be looking for a good athletic shoe store and will purchase a pair of walking/cross training shoes to work out in, because as of right now I have nothing that fits my feet comfortably but my Keen street shoes, and those are TOTALLY worn out.

It's a little hard to getting my feet going when there's nothing to put on them!

Hmm, anything else I am missing? Oh yeah! This week I am also focusing on my scheduling and home organization again, as I feel that has gone really lax over the past few months and needs to be tightened up again as spring approaches. I know we need a solid system in place before the next kid comes, or things will be chaos, so it is better to get used to the system now than try and enact it with a new variable in place.

Wish me luck and have a healthy week, everyone!

I may be too white and preppy to use that particular colloquialism (especially when I use words like colloquialism, which universally stamp me across the forehead as "GEEK"), but I earned it today!

So after being sick and feeling sluggish, with this day as no particular exception, I got my rear up onto my bike and spent 40 minutes pounding away while listening to joyous, energetic music. I did 10.5 miles and kept my heart nice and steady between 130-140 BPM.

And what illicited the gleefully whooped title?

I broke 400 miles on my stationary bike - 406.5, to be precise. OOOOHH SNAP!

*ahem* It was a good evening. Off to contemplate dinner and criticize some American Idols :)

... or so the ultrasound would have you believe!

Yes indeed, I am thrilled to report that all looked good and the OB's office actually had an ultrasound machine on site to confirm dating. The baby was measuring about ten weeks and a few days, and my calculations had me right at ten weeks, so all was spot on. The heartbeat was 184, which is quite fast, especially compared to Callie and Lilah who both had heartrates in the 130-140 range at this age. I do believe this made it more real for my husband, at least, when he actually saw the baby wiggling around in a pre-birth imitation of 'the potty dance', and it was a great visit.

I will be going for a genetic screening in two weeks which will entail bloodwork and an ultrasound, and then my next appointment isn't for a month. I am just HIGHLY relieved that the baby was healthy, growing, and that there was only ONE! *whew*

The ANP I visited with was NOT a fan of me losing weight during the pregnancy and wanted to see me gain a bit instead, I just nodded and smiled with the full intention of doing what I was planning from the start. If I'm hungry, I'll eat. But I can be full AND healthy on around 2000 calories of bulky, fibrous food and protein. As long as my body isn't demanding more, I will keep right on doing what I am doing. I will also run my plan by the actual OB at my next appointment and see if his opinion differs.

Either way, all went well. Blood pressure was 120/79 I think, and my weight on THEIR scale was 215.0 (eek!) but I know that was food, clothes, and a difference in measuring instruments. I will have to go get stabbed for my general prenatal panel blood work offsite, as they do not have their own lab, and I plan on doing that the day I am next in the area (my ultrasound in two weeks).

On an aside, I am happy to report that today has been a HIGHLY productive day of sorting through the piles of junk and baby clothes in our spare bedroom and space-bagging things to condense, as well as reorganizing and throwing out piles of trash. We just keep shifting boxes and loose bits from room to room while we remodel and the mess has about driven me NUTS. Organizing today, scrubbing and vacuuming tomorrow, if all goes according to plan.

Wish me luck and have a great week, all!

Well this morning finds me a happy gal, at 211.6! That is right about my pre-pregnancy weight, and I am happy to see my dedication to NOT overdoing it is paying off and my digestive system is moving again.

I did fail mightily on exercise this past week but for a good reason - I had that head cold, right? Well it morphed into a severe upper sinus infection and the worst migraine I have had in years. Three days of intense throbbing, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity, and motion issues. What's worse, nothing would TOUCH the pain. I finally went into an urgent care center yesterday and was prescribed antibiotics to combat the bacterial sinusitis, but he couldn't give me anything for my head other than to tell me to persist in taking tylenol as directed. Unfortunately I'd been doing that for days with no abatement of pain.

Thankfully this morning I am feeling a bit better. My sinuses still hurt but sometime in the middle of last night my migraine went away.

Today is my first OB appointment, wish me luck! I am really hoping they'll let me see the baby to verify the health (and number) of the occupant(s?), but I am not holding my breath. I will ask for a referral for me and DH to pay out of pocket for an earlier scan if the 20 week is the only one offered. I am happy to be going in there with my weight down and health reasonably up, and can only hope this positive trend continues. I am MUCH less anxious for this appointment, having heard the heartbeat already over the doppler, but it will be nice to be 'formally' pregnant with regular checks now, instead of just hanging around at home with a bunch of peesticks, having the whole thing feel slightly surreal.

I do hope to get back to more exercising this week and continue my weight loss efforts, and am interested to hear what the nurse has to say about how I should be eating. Having lost weight through two other pregnancies and had exceptionally healthy babies I *may* take her advice with a grain of salt if it contradicts what I know works well for me, but I am interested to hear her opinion nonetheless. There's something very gratifying about having medical staff constantly expecting 'fat girl' complications out of you, and then having them eat their words when your body and pregnancy and healthier than many of their skinny patients.

MWAHAHAHAHAAA! Evil of me, I know, but if everyone is going to assume I am obese and unhealthy, I must get my kicks where I can. I think Dr. Bell's charts from Lilah's birth had my weight at the time (around 270, at 39 weeks pregnant), so I eagerly waiting to see if anything is mentioned about my loss.

Anyway, another week goes by, and as always there is progress and pitfalls, but I remain dedicated regardless of the circumstance. I will confess to having a TON of anxiety about my eating on this upcoming trip for two weeks in April, as I have worked SO hard to get back down, but it is in the Lord's hands and I will just try and make the best choices I can, given the circumstances surrounding our eating on the trip.

I'll check in later this afternoon if anything interesting arises from this appointment, and other than that I'll see you folks later this week!

... on so many counts!

Well unfortunately my nausea and food aversions are back full swing, and it's pretty miserable.

Then there was the scale this morning, that registered 212.0 despite having eaten the same yesterday as every other day this week, and being fairly well hydrated.

Oh yeah, and did I mention my children are actively trying to shorten their lifespans by throwing crazy tantrums at the drop of a hat during the day and into the evening? Yeah, they must not have gotten the memo that mommy's patience is on the short side these days.

Either way, all's well that end's well. The scale was down, I am able to eat healthfully most of the day, with the exception of meat. My kids are healthy and happy when they're not fighting over toys. This week is almost over.

Yeah, it's one of *those* days.

See you Monday for another weigh-in, I hope the low trend will persist but I am not holding my breath!

Well, this has been a frustrating week, weight-wise, and I am still definitely struggling with trying to come to peace with the fact that my body WILL be gaining no matter what I do, short of a very serious diet effort (which am not willing to undertake while pregnant - I'll accept weight loss, but only if it involves eating healthy food in satisfying quantities... no deprivation while trying to grow a person!).

The scale has been ads high as 216 and as low as 213.6... the lower end is still on the high side for how much weight I should be losing, based on calorie totals, which means that I am gaining genuine baby mass now. The kid is about the size of a large green olive and my uterus has swelled significantly with amniotic fluid, placenta, and said baby. I can feel it about halfway to my belly button already, which is definitely measuring on the large size for this gestational age.

So this, I suppose, is like a REAL taste of maintenance. I have to know that I am doing everything right and trust that the weight on the scale isn't because I am miscounting my calories, but because I am gaining lean mass, as it were, in the form of another person. The scale is fluctuating fairly reliably within a 213-214 pound radius most days, and I think it is a given at this point that this will be my lowest pregnancy weight, and it's up up up from here.

Some days I think I am okay with that, and other days I feel really disheartened by it. I won't stop weighing daily, it gives me some great clues as to what is going on with my metabolism and I know that often my weight spikes are only related to the dinner I can FEEL moving sluggishly through my system... but since I have been in weight loss mode for about 18 months, it is tough to settle into a different pattern while still being vigilant of my diet and exercise.

I admit, part of me still really wants to post a loss, or 'begin' this pregnancy around 210... I still feel like the vacation weight isn't coming off, so I am just adding to unnecessary poundage. It is fairly irrational, but there it is: I am still annoyed I had to fly down south and end up in food situations where I couldn't really track my calories as I like. I am a creature of habit, and those routine disruptions (and another on to come in April!) really bug me.

Still, I know what I have to do, and even by the strictest weight charts my gains in the first trimester are in the average-to-below-average range. Gaining four-ish pounds in ten weeks is not bad, according to those charts, and that comforts me a bit since I know some of that gain could have been avoided (thereby meaning my actual pregnancy gain is lower, which could signal that I will be able to manage gains in this pregnancy like I did in my last two). But I will say, being AWARE of my habits has made things a lot more stressful than the first two times around. I just ate what I wanted and lost weight... but now I am INCAPABLE of just eating and not thinking about the nutritional impact of the food on my body. In some ways, that is fabulous - its awfully hard to backslide up the scale in any significant way when you are naturally conscious of your hunger, how and when to satisfy it, and with what foods to do it with. I suppose the rub comes when you know you're doing everything right, and the creep up the scale is to be observed, but not *dealt with* as it would have been before pregnancy.

* * * *

All weight related angst aside, I actually have had a very good week with the pregnancy. As I mentioned before I am definitely showing, my uterus is quite high in my abdomen for this spot in the pregnancy and it has pushed a lot of other organs out of the way. Maternity clothes are a must at this point!

My symptoms have been mild, with just a few severe waves. I do, unfortunately, have a headcold, but hopefully it won't hang around too long.

The best thing that happened this week? I got to hear the baby's heartbeat, FINALLY! I have a doppler from the previous two pregnancies and have been checking for a heartbeat for over a week, but had no luck. Finally, on Monday, I pushed the probe much HIGHER than I had been previously checking, and within moments found a strong, fast, beautiful baby heartbeat that left me MUCH reassured as to the health of this pregnancy. I was pretty shocked to find it up so high, as my uterus should still be behind my pelvic bone at this stage in the pregnancy, but it was a good three inches higher. There's a few causes for that, the most likely being that my previous kiddos have stretched out the gym for this one, so it is easier for the n00b to expand that muscle than it was for them.

Either way, a heartbeat was exactly what I hoped to find. It lessens my chances for miscarrying dramatically, and made me feel much better about making a general pregnancy announcement to the few friends who haven't yet heard.

My appointment is next monday, and I do hope it goes well. In the meantime, I know I just need to watch the scale but not obsess and do my best to stay active and nourished, without worrying about what numbers may pop up. At this point I do think baby gain will mostly cancel out any calorie deficits on the scale, but I am comforted knowing those deficits WILL show after birth, and that having maintained my good habits will make losing baby weight after birth much more simple.

Onward I go!