Fast little weight update - after suffering from the stomach flu and getting appreciably better by Tuesday (rough from Sunday to then) I suspected my weight was artificially low from vomiting and general dehydration. After all, it had been 215-ish for half of the previous week, once the major vacation/airport bloat settled.

However, it is now Friday and I can safely say that I DID manage to lose some weight from last week, to be sitting firmly in the 214-214.8 range, and I suspect my ease in doing this is related to diminished stomach capacity and a general boredom with eating when I am not hungry. I still hit the occasional emotional food moment where I have to brace myself (and do occasionally give in) as well as a pregnancy craving here or there, but overall I am sitting happily with logging my food and weight daily. I can honestly say I do not spend the time immediately after one meal considering the next, and am not fixated by food.

I've never been a binger, but this is still HUGE for me. All my life I have been preoccupied with eating - I LOVE food, for hunger, taste, emotional distress, enjoyment, rewards, you name it. And even upon buckling down and changing my lifestyle I still maintained a preoccupation with food, it just morphed a bit into a control game, instead of just self-indulgent mode. But something seems to have quietly, subtly mentally shifted, and I find myself mostly free from bondage to food.

Maybe it is that my goal has become more important, life has become too busy, or that my focus has shifted to other parts of my body than my weight. I am not eating fabulously, with some days having far less roughage than they should, but I am not eating everything in sight for any old reason either. I eat when I am hungry and generally stop when I am full but not overstuffed. I indulge in treats, but don't get out of control - a serving is generally enough. I practice moderation on almost all foods and nothing is off limits. I don't obsess over what I am eating or will eat. I log my food and weight with neutral emotions - no "Bad Taryl, you messed up!" or "Great job, the scale will show a loss for sure!".

Somewhere along this journey, I stopped being preoccupied with my diet and exercise because there was too much other stuff to do. Even if it is just vegging on the couch, avoiding a chore, I am not feeling the need to EAT as a diversion.

I suspect this is related to maintenance. Because I can't really focus on losing weight, I am essentially in a healthy holding pattern, my behaviors with food can be looser than when I am trying to lose weight. And unlike BEFORE I tried to change my habits and was 250-260 pounds, my default daily eating is healthy, serving-size appropriate, and pretty well balanced. I'm not winning any veggie-eating awards, but I'm doing just fine. So *now*, at least, in this superimposed maintenance mode, I am genuinely finding my focus doesn't HAVE to be on food, good or bad, for me to live my life without regaining. These habits are automatic for me, and they're kicking in without me even realizing it.

I also suspect that when the baby comes, my stomach volume increases HUGELY overnight again and I am being drained of calories via breastfeeding, that this will shift back into active weight loss mode and more focus will be back on food (as it has to be, at least temporarily, while trying to establish a different calorie intake again). And when I am actively trying to affect the scale I think it will be hard NOT to scrutinize and plan my meals more, it's all just part of changing a variable to achieve a lower weight.

But I am really comforted and thrilled with the fact that I don't have to be food focused forever to avoid a regain. Basic vigilance and preventative steps, in the form of tracking my calories and weight, are really all the tools I need to maintain at these levels. I imagine daily or reasonably regular activity will also factor into maintenance. But somehow, somewhere along this journey, a lifelong obsession with tasty eats became manageable WITHOUT excess. I still enjoy delicious food AND some junkier fare, but like a naturally skinny person, I seem to have achieved a balance that doesn't skew me towards gain OR loss. With a few simple steps each day I am managing to be 'normal' with my eating and not mentally fighting myself to stay on plan and focus on anything other than my next meal.

Rambly though it may be, this revelation elicits a hearty "yay!" from me! So here's to 214 and wherever else the scale goes right now. I'm doing just fine, looking forward to losing more in the future, and reestablishing this content, manageable maintenance mode in the future, at my goal weight :)