I was commenting on Diane's blog this morning and it brought me around to thinking about goals. She was talking about hard goals and 'you'll know when you get there' softer targets, and I figured it was time for another goal discussion to keep me on track.

You see, the past four of five months I have been struggling with the scale and maintaining when my goal has been to lose. I haven't wanted it enough to discipline myself in a significant way, and quite frankly I do struggle with both hunger and every persistent boredom eating while nursing. These things are just facts of life I have to deal with, and they CAN be managed in a way that doesn't interfere with my losing weight. I've done it before and I'm doing it now, but I need to make smart choices.

My hard goals, as I've said before, are 189 (insurance discount weight, which I am only about five pounds from, these days), and 160. I have checked several other hard goals, including 199, off my list. While I still occasionally touch it with overeating and water retention, I know that the further I get down the scale the less I'll have issues with 'sticking' below a certain weight.

Being in the 180's will be nice, as it is an ever more popular, normal looking weight for a woman. I am also looking forward to the financial discount on our health insurance premium, and a beautiful new purse at 180. I'm going there, I'm going to GET there, and I'd like to do it (if I can) before July. That's my goal. If I don't make the time goal, no sweat, but I have been working hard to hit it and will continue to do so. 170, as an aside, has the reward of a matching wallet to go with that purse.

160 is my holy grail, sexy weight. The best body time of my life, where I was active, curvy, and quite attractive, was around 160. I haven't seen it since I was 15, and I know I my heart that even ten years and three kids down the road, I can and should see it again. It is completely attainable, if only I do the steps I know will get me to that end. I haven't even decided what I will gift myself when I hit 160 - likely some glamour shots or professional family photos with the kids, as I find we have very few of those.

Below 160 is what Diane was describing as a soft goal, where I don't have a specific number in mind but I will know when I get there. 145 is kind of my lower-end goal weight, but if I don't make it or find it too hard to maintain I probably won't be too broken up about it. Really I can see living my life anywhere between 130-150, if I am disciplined with myself. But those are far off and unimportant right now. My soft goal is looking and feeling great, not having too much difficulty in maintaining, and the weight that happens at is flexible as long as it is below 160. That's the only goal I am focusing on these days, the one that matters most to me.

I have wasted so much time these past few months overindulging and getting into weird head spaces, but in the scheme of things a few years doesn't hurt much. I would love to work at being below 160 by the end of this year, if only because we will be able to try for another baby by then and I'd like to be at or much closer to goal when we do (similar to me wanting to have Seth around 200, tying my children being conceived to weight goals is a great motivator for me). I'm not worried about maintaining my weight once I get there, I'm surprisingly good at keeping myself in a range, but the excess calorie deficit to lose is where I struggle. It has to be done, and at this point I have run out of excuses, celebrations, and time to dawdle any longer. My hard goals are set, I know what needs to be done and how to do it, and I am in the midst of exactly that.

It's a good feeling.

189, 160, 145? Here I come!